People say life is short. But those people are stupid.
Life is long.
Really long. And boring. Like 98% long and boring. It’s The English Patient of cosmic events. And when the monotonous road of life drones on for too long, these movies always give me a festive kick in the pants when I need it the most. Here are some of the best sword fights in cinematic history.
Ninja III: The Domination (1984)
Ninja III: The Domination is a 1984 horror–kung fu film starring Lucinda Dickey. An accomplished martial artist, Lucinda was chosen for the role for her real-life fighting skills and her experience as a stunt double.
Masters of the Universe (1987)
Masters of the Universe (1987) is a science fiction/sword and sorcery film starring Dolph Lundgren. This guy is a staple of 80’s and 90’s action cinema, most commonly remembered for wielding firearms, and he doesn’t disappoint with a sword either.
Red Sonja (1985)
Red Sonja (1985) is a sword-and-sorcery fantasy film starring Brigitte Nielsen, Sandahl Bergman, Janet Agren and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Brigitte and Arnold fight each other (because of some prophecy…it’s complicated) and who doesn’t want to see the Terminator get beat by a woman?
Deathstalker (1983) is a sword-and-sorcery film starring Richard Hill, Lana Clarkson) and Barbi Benton. While I wouldn’t exactly say this movie has the most technically excellent swordplay, it’s really hard to not enjoy it. The movie is basically a long string of a sweaty warrior bashing in the skulls of a myriad of monster enemies.
Attila flagello di Dio (1982)
Attila flagello di Dio (1982) is an Italian sword-and-sorcery film directed by Franco Castellano and starring Anna Kanakis, Mario Pedone and Iris Peynado. It’s always a good sword fight when your sword starts glowing, right?
Deathsport (1978) is a science fiction and post-apocalyptic film produced by Roger Corman and starring David Carradine, Richard Lynch and Claudia Jennings. Things get taken to the next level when the swords are made of some sort of laser futuristic glass. I don’t know. It just works.
Kull The Conqueror (1997)
The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)
The Barbarians (1987)
Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1982)
Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1982) is an Italian sword-and-sorcery film starring Miles O’Keeffe and Sabrina Siani. Watch this movie when you want to see the ultimate 80’s sweaty sandaled warrior start kicking some monster butt.
When I was in high school I would actually sign up for junk mail. It didn’t matter what it was: newspapers, magazines, anything. I’d get at least three free newspapers every day that I would never read. I’d just collect them and store them in boxes. I loved getting junk mail. It made me feel…important.
And then a couple of years later I discovered aromatherapy and things got better for me.